Baz Takes Issue
by MusicalsandMordred
Summary: A college student with a dog receives an unexpected visitor...who has a thing or two to say about the dog's name. A fluffy little oneshot that I've been planning for AGES.


"Baz!"

"BaaaZZZ!"

"Baz, come here boy!"

She was just about to give up when a tiny black and white blob rounded the corner and careened into the kitchen.

"There you are, Basilton! Good boy!" She scooped the puppy up in her arms, just avoiding full-on baby-talking to her new rescue dog. He slathered her face in kisses, and she set him down to give him his dinner.

He was a beautiful border beagle, still only a few months old. The going theory at the rescue center she'd adopted him from was that someone had specifically bred him and hadn't accounted for his near-constant need for attention and his energy, and had then abandoned him. As she watched her puppy happily munching on his dinner, she wondered just how callous you had to be to abandon such a pup. Granted, he had more energy than she'd anticipated getting in a dog, but she'd wanted him the moment she'd laid eyes on him, and she knew that wouldn't change. He was a sweet dog that loved cuddles, and was rather intelligent for a smaller and mixed-breed dog. He had already mastered simple commands like sit and lie down, and was currently working on shaking a paw.

She loved her little Baz with all her heart.

When both girl and pup had finished eating dinner, they decided to play some games of tug-of-war and fetch. She knew this (plus the morning walk to the bakery and the trip to the dog park) would tire Baz out, and that he would fall asleep as she caught up on Bones and Suits or some school writing she'd fallen behind on.

Baz had just won his third game of tug-of-war and was bounding away for a kitchen victory lap when the girl started at the sound of a cool, _British_ voice behind her:

"Oh, you have _got_ to be kidding me."

She whirled around, heart in her mouth. Who the hell was in her apartment?!

The boy she saw was not at all what she expected. He was tall, much taller than her at any rate, with sweeping black hair that fell like a silky curtain about his face. And! He had a widow's peak! His eyes were a lovely shade of grey, though they gazed at her with disdain. She didn't need to take in the rest of him to know, with a ping in her bones, who he was.

It shouldn't have been possible. It _couldn't_ have been possible. But maybe….just maybe…it was.

"B…Baz?" she whispered. The boy simply stared at her, eyes as sharp as steel.

Softly, there was a bump on her ankle, and she registered that the _dog_ Baz had returned and was expecting to played with. He didn't seem to find it odd that there was a British boy about her age in the apartment with them.

Slowly, without taking her eyes off the (possible) book character in front of her, she bent down to retrieve the dog toy, and threw it – still without looking – over her shoulder. The patter of feet told her Baz had taken off after it.

The boy sneered, at her dog it seemed, and somehow that made him more real, more like the character she thought he was, and made her angry enough to draw herself up to her full height, and say "Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch," in an authoritative voice.

This time, the boy created a small ball of flame that hovered above his hand, and bowed with a sarcastic flourish, impressively avoiding setting his luscious hair aflame.

 _My head would go up like flash paper if I tried that_ , the girl thought, trying – and failing – to not be impressed by the display of magic.

"At your service," Baz (the human) smirked.

She was flabbergasted. What to do? Part of her wanted to throw herself into his arms. Part of her wanted to sit him down and ask every single question that came to mind, and not let him go until he did. Part of her wanted to beg him to take her back to wherever he had come from, because presumably Simon and Penny would be there. Here was one of her _favourite_ characters, from her _favourite_ book series, standing right in front of her for some inexplicable reason.

She wanted to squeal, and it was only with great restraint that she didn't.

Instead, she managed to hold her head up high, and ask, with only the slightest tremor in her voice, "What on Earth are you doing here? How are you here?" The vampire just raised an eyebrow and nodded towards her puppy, who was now playing the ferocious hunter with a tennis ball.

"I'm here about _that_."

The girl bristled at his tone, and used that to quash her starstruck-ness.

"Alright then," she said, and turned on her heel, towards the couch.

She sat on one end, and Baz on the other. He sat down gingerly, poised on the edge of the cushion (presumably to not wrinkle his silk suit). He smoothed down his trousers, and her eye caught on something gold on his hand. Before she could stop herself, she had scooted closer and taken Baz's left hand in her own. He stared at her impassively.

"Are you…are you and Simon…engaged?!" The girl felt her face heat as she suddenly remembered that, canonically, Baz and Simon were not actually in love, that in GTL's books, they were mortal enemies. Beyond mortified, she retreated to her previous couch corner. But not before she failed to miss Baz's quick flash of a grin.

Basilton Pitch. Sitting on her couch in a gorgeous suit. Wearing an engagement ring. Grinning.

He shook his head dismissively, though he couldn't quite banish his smile. "That is none of your business, I'm sure. What is your business, and mine, it would seem, is the name you have chosen for your…canine companion." He sneered again. It was like her and her sister's eye-rolling problem.

The girl stared. "And just how is that your business?" She tried for a cool tone, to match Basil's, but her head was racing a million miles a minute. ' _How is my dog your business?_ ' she thought. ' _You're not even supposed to exist!_ '

"I do not appreciate having this furball named after me. Call it Penny, call it Snow, or, better yet, come up with your own name, but please, refrain from using mine." He adjusted his cuff-links as he stared her down.

Before she could respond, the flurried sound of soft paws on hardwood was heard, and Baz the puppy came hurtling into view. He had one of his newer stuffies, and some of the seams had already been decimated. The puppy came up to the couch, and - horror of horrors! - stood up with his front paws on Basilton's suit pants. He had clearly come with one goal, and one goal only, in mind.

The girl felt herself giggle, at the timing of her puppy, and at vampire Baz's expression. "He wants you to play tug-of-war with him." Baz glared at the dog, and then pushed him off. The border beagle just stared up at him and sat down, puppy-dog eyes on full blast. They were a darker blue colour, and the girl wondered if they reminded the boy beside her of a certain someone's eyes.

Baz snarled at puppy Baz. The sound startled her, but the pup just cocked his head. ' _How was this going to end_?'

Baz the mage was clearly getting frustrated. He seemed to be having great difficulty with something. Then he sneered, this time with his gleaming fangs in full view. The girl waited breathlessly to see what her puppy would do. Baz the border beagle simply laid down, dropping the stuffy at Baz the magician's feet. Baz snapped his fangs, but it seemed to have no effect.

The girl wanted to take a picture of this, the vampire and the dog with the same (ridiculous) name, staring each other down. She had a sneaking suspicion about who was going to lose. He was already wilting, she could see it. Anyone that much in love with Simon Snow couldn't resist a puppy dog, no matter how much he tried to pretend otherwise.

"Crowley! Fine! You win! Here!" Baz snatched up the toy, and threw it across the room. The puppy was off like a flash, and was soon back for more.

"Oh no. You've started something now," she clucked at the mage-vampire beside her. He smirked, but said nothing, and the girl felt a shift in the attitude of her unexpected visitor.

* * *

"I'm gonna win this time! I'm gonna win…no! Get back here you mangy mutt!"

She just barely suppressed a smile at puppy Baz winning yet another round of tug-of-war and taking off for a lap, and at _the great_ Basilton Grimm-Pitch baby-talking to said puppy.

She finished dialing the number on her phone, and put the cell to her ear. She was crossing her fingers that her sister would be home with her boyfriend (she usually was) and would pick up. This was the kind of call you did not wait to make.

Baz and Baz ran past her and circled the island in the kitchen. Baz, for all his super-human stamina and speed, seemed to be fading.

"Merlin, that dog has too much energy!" She nodded to him as they ran past again, but didn't respond. Her breath caught in her throat as her sister answered her phone.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Cath?"

"Yeah?"

"Get Levi to drive you over. You two _have_ to come see this!"

* * *

 **Hello Carry On fandom! I did it, I finally got a Simon Snow/Fangirl fic up! I've been meaning to since I began posting, but, as I'm sure you can imagine, school takes all my time, my energy, and my soul, I'm sad to say. This was inspired by the fact that I desperately want a dog, and I want to name him Baz. I want a small dog though, and that got me to thinking that Baz himself might not appreciate being a dog's namesake...or would he? ;) I don't know what this story really is, but I hoped you enjoyed it!**


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